Memories of 2010

Im sitting here thinking about the past year and I realized how much sadness my family has gone through.  My husband and I along with my son-in-law have lost a parent.  Each one of us has had to deal with our sorrow and pain in our own way, but we had each other to lean on too.  Losing my mom was the worst imaginable painful thing that has ever happened to me.  I miss her everyday and going thru the holidays without her was terrible.  I couldn't get into the mood of all the jolly hoopla and shopping for gifts and as a result I didn't buy anything. 
I cried alot on Thanksgiving Day even tho I was among family it was hard for me because mom wasn't and never will be.  The worst part of the holidays to get through was Christmas when I found myself buying a small tree to put on her grave.  I cried a lot on that day because its just so hard to believe that she's really gone!  My husband and I went to Los Angeles to be with with his sisters the day after Christmas to reminisce about their mother and be together like the past years.  It was very different there too.  Mom-in-luv wasn't there.
My son-in-law also had a hard time going to his mothers house on Christmas Eve,  I can imagine how he must have felt knowing his dad wasn't there like all the other years.
 
We have all had our fair amount of sickness and Dino (son-in-law) has really been through the mill.  Having a lot of pain and might still need surgery on his neck.  He is leaving that up to the Lord to help him make a decision about that.

Financial, job issues and trials that  we all had to overcome would not have been accomplished had God not been there to hold our hands or literally carry us when we thought we couldn't do it on our own.  We all want answers right now and don't like to wait, but God knows whats best for us and moves just when we think we're at the end of our rope. 


A  baby boy born to my ex daughter-in-law was beautiful and complete except that he was a down syndrome baby.  To date he is beautiful, cute and so alert except for the few significant signs he looks so normal and we all love him.


All of my grandchildren have grown so much and ALL have become teenagers.  My word where did all the years go?  My granddaughters are beautiful young ladies and my grandsons are so handsome, they range in age from 13 thru 25.  I will be a great grandmother soon and it will be a little girl.  Should I be excited or thrilled about all this, I really don't know.  Each and everyone of my grandchildren is special and I love them to pieces.


Lord willing the new year will be a good one and if not I know that He will see me through whatever may pop up.  As long as we as a family love one another and respect each other we should be ok.

Rain & Snow In Sunny California

What a wonderful Christmas we're having this year despite the weather outside being 'frightful' for many Californians.  It has been raining at a steady down pour for almost a week and snowing in the mountain areas.  It will continue this way through the week including Christmas Day.  It hasn't rained this much or this hard for a couple of years and there are  warnings of floods throughout the southland.   Many roads are closed in the mountains and bridges are over flowing.  Many are having to evacuate their homes because they are in danger of mud slides. 

*EVERYBODY DRIVE SAFELY*


I love this time of year and love the rain, lights, crowds and all the hoopla.  Right now Im happy to be at home chilling with my hubby.   After I finish writing on this blog I will crochet  some projects for gifts while my hub is reading a book. 

Christmas is a time for families to be together and I believe that kids should be made aware that  'Jesus is the reason for the season'.... and we give presents because we love each other not because we have to.   This year we're excited because  Danelle and Monica my two granddaughters will be here.  They will be coming on Wednesday and spending the rest of the week.  They were in Arizona last year visiting their other grandparents.  Our doors are open to anyone else that would like to come and visit.
 
On Christmas Day we will be at my daughters house early opening presents and spending the day eating and just hanging out.   Tamales are the main course every year.  While I dislike making them because they are so messy and so much trouble I do love eating them, so I helped my daughter make 15 dozen today.  My granddaughter Daisy helped for about 30 mins hahaha.   We'll also be having rice & beans to go with the tamales and menudo with all the trimmings.  There will be lots of baked goodies which my grandkids will be baking. 

Merry Christmas Everybody!  

A Year Of Many Surprises

 I really try to post on this blog whenever I get a chance but sometimes between doing a jigsaw puzzle on the inner net or crocheting on a project time just flies by.  This year is coming to an end so fast that as I sit here and try to remember all that has transpired through the months I am laughing and crying at the same time.  

I just got home after eating brunch with my daughter & her family at their house.   I decided to make 'Pork Chop Picado' my own dish.   I just steam cooked some chops with diced potatoes, bell peppers, onions and some spices.  Since my family cannot eat any food without it being spicy I added Pace picante with a lil flour so it would be a little thick.   My daughter made spanish rice and opened a can of pinto beans, needless to say we had a feast.

I am also trying to finish a crochet project which is a 'Booklet Scarf'.  It is turning out to be very pretty and kind of interesting, since you crochet panels in different colors together as you would for a leaflet.  So far I have taken it apart so many times after running out of yarn and having to start over.  The dilema is that I have so much scrap yarn that isn't enough for a single project.  Im also trying to use up a lot of the many different colors of yarn which I have by using them for different projects.  Just when I think Im  about to finish I find that I don't have enough!!!    I think I have found enough of the right colors to complete this scarf.   I made a really pretty pink scarf for Sophia one of Daisy's friends and she simply could not stop telling me thank you because she loved it.   I would like to start the new year with less clutter by getting rid of most of this  scrap material & use up more of this yarn which I have in different bins and boxes.

It  has been raining all day long it started yesterday thru the night and looks as if it will continue tonight too.  I love this kind of weather and would like to walk outside in the rain like I used too when I was younger, but my bones will not permit it.  I guess your age does make a difference when you get older,  because everything hurts me now lol.

As I get ready for church I can hear the rain, its pouring out there.  I must go tonight because Daisy will be playing the saxphone.  I cannot believe that this is already the last Sunday before Christmas.

Daisy is so cute, she and her best friend Sophia went to a Youth Christmas Party at the church on Friday.  They were told to dress festive for this party and apparently were the only ones who did.  They decided to dress up in tissue paper & bows wearing the traditional red & green colors.  They looked really cute and won the prize....a $5 gift certificate to Star Bucks each.

    

                                                     Merry Christmas Everybody

Happy Birthday Prince Dino

Dino Craig Martin II

The day has finally arrived for my grandson Dino, he will be thirteen years old on Dec. 11, 2010 and will technically be a teenager.  This is very hard on me because Dino is the youngest of my grandchildren and he will no longer be baby Dino.  Ha! Thats what he thinks.  He will always be my baby boy.
 
After much ado going back and forth on whether to have or not he finally agreed to a party with lots of boy games.  There will be a wrestling/boxing ring for the boys to knock each other out (heaven forbid), skate boarding with ramps to see who can do the highest jump or most impressive moves.  There will be a couple of pinatas full of candies to swing at or maybe just good ole candy bags............who knows, this party changes daily so I'll just wait and see what happens.  I really feel kind of sorry for the girls coming to the party, they will either have to sit and watch or join in and take their chances on not getting beat up :p).  I know my granddaughter Destinee will be the first one in that ring just to make the day more exciting.  She is also someone who you don't dare her to not do something because that is exactly what she will do.  Hopefully my daughter has plenty of tape & gauze for all the bruises and cuts these kids might get hahaha.


There will be plenty of food and of course Dino had a say about this too and requested sandwiches or hot dogs.  The menu will be; pulled pork sandwiches with potato salad, chips and dip.  The adults will have salsa with their chips, it seems that a lot of the young people that are coming love hot salsa too.  The whole family on both sides are a bunch of chile chokers :o).  Lemons from our trees on the plantation will be used to make plenty of lemonade and there will also be tea.  The finale will be the birthday cake and that rounds up the menu for the Boy Party  


After a day of shopping with my daughter and buying items to decorate tables without really making it look as if we decorated because as Dino will tell you thats stuff for girls only.   This child is all boy with a mind of his own and will let you know what he likes or doesn't.  He has voiced his opinion on how a boy party should be and that means NO frilly or foofoo stuff. 

While my grandson has grown so much he still likes to be babied by all of us and yes we are all guilty of doing just that.  He loves to play around with his grandpa and loves to tease him knowing he will get scolded and lectured.  He'll  come over to sit and wait for grandpa to wake up or get ready so they can go outside to work out in grandpa's 'gym'.  I can hear them laughing their heads off or arguing with each other and of course he will make sure that grandpa hears what he has to say while grandpa makes sure he knows he's wrong!  They go round & round its too funny because it doesn't seem to faze Dino.  They both have a love for Oldies music which I find so amazing and cute.  

Happy Birthday Baby Dino I love you mucho mucho mas muuaahh ♥




  

Thanksgiving Day 2010

Another year has passed and once again the holidays are upon us.  We are about to feast and celebrate Thanksgiving dinner with some of our family.  We all have so much to be thankful and looking back at the months gone by I can say that God has been so good to me and has answered my prayers many times.  

 As we give thanks for the many blessings we've enjoyed I sit here and my heart goes out to those whose lives have been turned upside down because of the economy and are having to struggle to make ends meet.  We have all had to make adjustments learning  different ways to make ends meet and smile because we are truly blessed in so many ways.  

I am married to my best friend who also happens to be the best husband in the world.  He is so very good to me and always there willing to do anything if its going to make me happy.  I love my family and even if I don't see them I know that they are in the hands of God, and that is all I can say or do about that subject.  Since I live with my daughter Tiffany & son-in-law Dino I also see my grandchildren every day and that makes me happy.  Having my dad living here and not an hour away gives me peace of mind that I know he's doing good even if he is sad sometimes because mom is gone and he's alone now.  


I have many wonderful friends that I've known for many years and who I know will be there for me in times when I need prayer or just an ear to let me vent.  

This past year had many ups and downs, a lot of sadness and health problems.  We have over come all of it because God is so good and knows exactly what we need and when we need it.  My poor son-in-law has had a terrible year with back & neck surgery and going through red tape with disability insurance etc.  We have cried together through our sadness of losing our loved ones. Helping each other with all the dilemas  of our everyday life I have learned patience and accepted that life is only hard if we dwell in our problems.   It wasn't  easy at times but we know that The Family that prays together stays together.   

Thank you Lord for your goodness and for filling my cup with love.

I Earned it I deserve it and I Want it!!

Running for my $$$

Today I have officially arrived at my goal and I am officially a senior citizen.  Now I can receive the social security check that I have earned in the many years that I have worked.  Never mind that most of the money will probably go to help pay for all my aches & pains lol.

I earned it I deserve it and I Want it!! 

SSI

 

Never ever did I expect to reach this age.  Iin my mind I don't feel a day over 30.  I remember when I was a teenager I thought anyone over 30 was old.   God forbid if we knew anyone who was 50 yrs old, they were soooo old.  We can't even imagine ourselves at that age,  how little do we know that the years go by faster after your 20 and we can't stop them hahaha.  Our desire as teenagers is to become adults or be older so that we can do or go places where kids can't enter.   I always imagined myself traveling with a spectacular career and driving a 'Mustang car'  lolol.  Well I finally got my car but its 11yrs now old haha,   so why wouldn't I get old?

  

The Fallen Tree

There is one special Marine who I would like to honor on this day and his name is Adrian Ramirez.   He is a family friend serving his country in Afghanistan.   I pray that God will keep His hand on Adrian until he comes home.  I am thankful also for all the men and women serving their country and sacrificing their own welfare to keep us safe.  We must pray for them every day and  ask God to bring them home safe.


This day will always be remembered not only because of its obvious meaning but because on this day strong winds ripped off  part of a tree in the island  in our pond.  


These Santa Ana winds come every year during this month,  but I don't remember them being as strong in the past.  We have been having summer weather even though it is already November with  a couple of days of rain and cold nights.   The tree which was very big and beautiful with many branches now looks very bare and empty.  Its leaves had started to fall off and change colors, hopefully my husband is right and it will grow back.  
 

As  I look out my window I thank God for giving us this beautiful view of all He has created for us to enjoy. .

                                                                   The fallen tree

Happy Birthday Miss Daisy

Saturday was beautiful, breezy and cool with the sun shining bright all day until late afternoon when it got cloudy with a hint of rain which newscasters kept predicting.  The outside heaters were lit up and my son-in-law got the fire pit going.  

My daughter decided that since Daisy had a huge party last year for her 13th birthday with about 100 people, this year the family would celebrate her birthday at Disneyland and take a few of her friends for her to hang out with.  Those plans didn't materialize for several reasons, so I decided that we would have an impromptu  birthday party.   It was a small family affair with some of my sisters-in-law who came bringing  some of their kids and a few grandkids.  Daisy invited the friends who were supposed to spend the day with her anyway and they all hung out together playing games and going for a walk.  

We decided to have cupcakes instead of buying or making a cake, that way everyone could get their own or as many as they wanted.  They were so cute with yummy butter frosting  topped with Lady Bug pickets.   I bought her a small cake anyway, after all whats a party with no cake?   haha.   What are grandma's for?  My daughter found and bought the biggest and cutest lady bug balloon that fit right in with the theme of her party.  

Everyone had fun, fellowship and ate lots of good food.  As it got later it also got so cold that we were all forced to take the party inside.  Daisy opened several presents and received gift cards, and now that I think about it she also got some money but never revealed the amount.  


Fourteen years ago this little angel who I nick named Daisy was born and wove herself into our hearts.  Daisy is vivacious  and dorky at times but always fun loving and always willing to help others.   She is a good student getting good grades and is in the AVID program in school.   She loves the Lord and is very involved with the youth group and is in the church choir.   Daisy has always been a good little girl and now she is a very respectful young lady who is nice to everybody.   Her Tata loves her very much and spoils her, as for me I'm not prejudiced but I think she's beautiful cute and pretty.


                                               ♥ HAPPY  14TH BIRTHDAY DAISY ♥

I AM A VEGETARIAN

Yes I am on a diet!!  I finally decided to say it out loud so the walls can hear me ' I need to lose weight'.

One day while looking at myself  in the mirror I saw how out of control my weight was and I realized I was in big trouble.  Sooooo......right then & there I decided to do something drastic, like lose the excess baggage I've been carrying around for the past ten years.

It has  been three months since I took my last sip of soda or coffee.  My coffee cup was large so I felt that putting  2/3 big table spoons of sugar was ok ( who was I fooling?) hahaha.  I am an admitted sodaholic addicted to drinking at least one six pack a day by myself.   Although I did drink lots of water, I must not forget to include the big glasses of iced tea or pink lemonades I would consume whenever I ate at a restaurant.

Why do parents reward their children with candy or food?   Eating when we are happy or sad is also a habit that I was guilty of.  Weight creeps up on us through the years until one day as I did,  took a good look and realized the day had come...........it wasn't too late yet so I had to hurry and repair the problem I created within myself.   My intake of food was incredible, portions were getting bigger and the places where we chose to eat were the kind that served as much as you can eat.

In August I decided to stop drinking soda and any other sweet drinks, and after 3 weeks the results were wonderful and I was so proud of myself.  I didn't care if anyone else noticed because I saw a difference in the way my clothes fit which was so exciting.  Thats when I decided to stop eating sugar.   That meant no cakes, candies, ice cream, donuts, etc etc.

Was this hard one might ask?  Of course, after years of eating and drinking whateva, my body went into withdrawls.  The headaches were atrocious while my mouth watered at the sight of all I had given up, but as all things came to an end all the symptoms did too.  Yippeee I was sugar free!!

After researching some information from my friend Nancy who is a Vegan, I understood what she had been trying to tell me.  Eating meat created many physical problems (for me anyway) and was also the cause of weight gain.  Yeap I gave up meat!  After coming to this decision I in so many words become a vegetarian.  This allows you to eat fish and chicken unlike Vegans who do not eat ANY meat.  Eating healthy is a lot of drama, especially when you have to watch each and every morsel of food that goes into your mouth, but as the days go by its getting easier.  I make sure everything I eat is healthy and I drink lots of water.

Will I become Vegan?  I think so..............eventually, but right now I just want to lose this excess cargo I carry around everyday.  What I eat now is satisfying so I can wait to take that final step.   I have a fantastic family who are very supportive.  They make sure that I eat healthy food while they root for me.  My wonderful husband has joined me on this diet of mine and he has also lost about 35lbs just by staying away from soda.  For the most part even though he will eat a cookie or two and satisfies his sweet tooth he eats whatever I do and is also trying to stay away from meat.

My feet were in such terrible shape swollen and grotesque making it hard for me to walk without a cane.  My mother was a diabetic so everyone assumed  I was too. Now my feet are back to normal (but still look grotesque in color) and each morning I walk about 3 miles. My daughter or my husband come along too so that I won't walk by myself.

Soon I will reach my goal and I'll have done it to save myself and enjoy the rest of the years that God gives me by living a nice long healthy life.

The Pomegranate Tree

  This has been such a busy month that I forgot to write on my blog again.  It wasn't until my daughter was decorating for the Halloween/Thanksgiving holidays that I realized that its almost November!  The days are going by so fast maybe its a blessing  because I don't really know how Im going to handle the holidays this year without my mom ~sigh~.

Today all the men in my life decided to work around the plantation before the next rain fall, even my son Paul came to wash his clothes and is now busy at work (he got trapped haha).  Its such a beautiful day its hard to believe that rain is on the way again. Fall is finally in the air and leaves on the trees are changing colors or falling off, and because we had rain last week everything is green and colorful.

My husband came in the house a while ago with a bag full of pomegranates, they are so big and beautiful.  He opened one and ate the whole thing while ahhing away lol.  I don't care for them after tasting one when I was a kid, I just think they are pretty and make for a great decoration for Thanksgiving.  I had him take them over to Tiffany's house so she can put them out for decoration.  While shopping at Ralphs mkt the other day I noticed they had some for sale at two for $6.00!  An idea suddenly came to me that maybe I should open up a stand outside saying   'POMEGRANATES for SALE'   and see how many people stop.   After all thats what people do when they sell lemonade from lemons off their trees....hmmm I could do that too since we have many lemon trees lol.  


When we moved here this tree was one among many that were in need of water and looked like it was dying.  M husband and son pulled out many dead trees and stumps but left this one after I cried and cried that we needed it.  We had a persimmon tree that unawares to me my husband pulled out and Tiffany and I were so upset.  Now its giving fruit that is so gorgeous hubby even likes it.

Yard Sale

 Has anyone ever had an impromptu yard sale?  We did today!!   My daddy decided to put a sign at the end of the street about 9:30am, never imagining the crowds that were going to swarm to his sale. 

As I innocently walked outside ready to go for my daily morning walk, I came to a dead stop when I saw 10 people coming up the drive way, and cars/trucks pulling up the curbs.  As I turned to look for my dad who was busily pulling stuff' out of boxes and throwing them on the ground as fast as he could and trying to put more items on A table...one table.  Oh my word I couldn't believe my eyes.   Then I went into shock and I almost had an attack when 5/6 people came out of dads studio apt after letting  them in to look at the refrigerator and couch he wants to sell.   I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw more people walking around our back yard coming toward the front gate!!   How can anyone just walk into someones back yard, and walk around as if they belong there, what a Nerve!   Of course no one bought either item or anything else. 

I am not against anyone trying to find a good deal at these sales because I do it myself, but when the price is at rock bottom already and they want you to lower the price...........GO HOME!     I don't understand why people are so rude.  

Thank God my aunt Mary came to help because it was hard to keep up with all the people that kept coming.  Finally at  2:OO pm I decided I'd had enough when all the people traffic slowed down and the gnats trying to go up my nose and my ears, not to mention all the rude people.  Daddy did not want to close so he stayed by himself while my aunt and I went to eat at Taco Joe's restaurant.

I guess Im just a glutton for misery because tomorrow I'll be staying home from church to help daddy with his  yard sale. 

"The Lord is pleased with those who worship Him and trust His love." Ps 147:11..............so I am trusting that God will smile down on us because Im leaving it all in His hands..

The will of God

Wow can't believe its been so long since I posted on this blog.  There is so much going on with all my grandchildren, and around the plantation that I need to start blogging again.

Today is four months since my mother passed, my heart is still shattered in a million pieces and I know it will never heal completely because a part of it is gone forever.   Even tho in my mind I  know God took her because He saw how much she was suffering, in my heart I still needed my mother here for ME!   I don't think its selfish to feel that way, no matter how old I am I'll always miss her. The numbness is going away but there are some days that everything I see or hear  reminds me of  her.  I will continue to be there for my dad because I can't even imagine how he feels now that he's alone after 63 years.  Jesus hold my hand as I travel this road until I see your face.


Fantastic news the plantation is minus what I called the Wicked Tree in the front yard.  One of the men from our church came with his machinery and pulled it out of the ground and presto it was gone.  This tree which came supposedly from Guatalamala was tall and huge with  big ugly fat thorns sticking out.  In the spring beautiful pink flowers would bloom from this tree.  Its roots were huge and protruding from the ground making it impossible for grass to grow so our front yard always looked terrible. I was so happy to see it gone and called everyone I knew that had a fireplace to come and get some fire wood.  LOL

~ My grandchildren are the bomb haha.~   Each one has their own personality and they are my grandkids  ~  Im so proud of them.   There is never a day without so much tweeny drama ♥

Barbie is beautiful and so grown up, she's going to start working to help pay for insurance on the car she will be getting soon.  Now that she can drive all she needs is her license.............wooohooo!  On top of all that she is running for Homecoming Queen at her school......my oh my where did the yrs go?  I still remember the  lil baby in a car seat on the back seat of her daddys car cruising the streets of  Fontana and  Rialto.  I better stop because Im tearing up.

Sweet lil Monica how I love you.  Still so beautiful and full of surprises, the child is so confused about life.  We all learn as we grow I just hope she makes the right choices.  Too bad we don't realize how great our parents really are when we are in our teen dilema's 'chuckle'

My two munchkins who are probably the ones responsible for keeping me young (hahaha) have grown so much I don't even recognize them sometimes.  Dino my prince is so beyond his years, but yet such a baby in so many ways.  He'll be in high school next year!!!  He is the youngest of my grandkids, and very talented in music, he can sing really well but just like boys he says he doesn't.  He is also smarter than he lets on BUT  he can also be a BRAT, then I have to beat him with kisses hahaha♥

My lil Daisy is Miss Fashionista, she looks like she walked out of a magazine with all the mod clothes she wears.  She can make an ugly dress look beautiful.  Such flair but yet around me she's still my lil girl who still loves to sit on my lap n cuddle (I have told her she'll be my lil Daisy even when she's a grandma) ....which makes me very happy and makes her laugh.  These two are well grounded, love the Lord, living for God and are involved in all church youth activities.

Michael who is my oldest grandson got all the cousins together after 3 years of not seeing each other and took them for a day of  fun fun fun.  I was very happy that he dropped in to see us too, because I've missed him very much.   His birthday on Oct 13 brought many memories of a blue eyed baby born 23 yrs ago and the realization that he's not a lil boy anymore, he's all grown up.   Wheww where do the years go?

Saying Goodbye Again

Grandma Cucu

 On July 9, 2010  Bernardita Casados my mother in law closed her eyes and went to be with Jesus.  This was a very sad and emotional day for me because it was so close to the death of my mother just two weeks before on June 14,2010.  I was numb and devastated,  it was unbelievable that our two mothers were both gone forever.

'Bennie' died at home surrounded by her 4 daughters and 1 son (my husband), and her many grandchildren/great grandchildren  ranging in ages 6 mos to mid 40's.  She fell at home and broke her hip, shoulder, & arm. Per her request she asked that she not be given anything to keep her alive if she recovered from the operation.

My mother in law was so brave during the last week of her life, she made us all feel good about her dying. We all stood around her bed singing hymns and listening to her tell funny stories and sayings making all of us laugh.  She praised God to the end until when she finally went into a coma.

One by one as each of us stood before her she gave us her blessing and added a message for each back slid member of her family. She told us that she was so excited to finally be able to see Jesus and all her relatives that have already gone before her.

Bennie was loved by everyone who met her because she was the type of person who was kind and loving never saying anything negative about anyone. She became your mom or your grandma, thats the effect she had on everybody.  

She loved God, her Pastor Elms and her family, we always knew that grandma was praying for us no matter what.

Bernardita Casados

She will be missed but will be remembered for the great prayer warrior she was and the great example that she left us by letting us see how she worshiped Jesus until the end and never once complained.

I love you 'Bennie' RIP

Saying Good Bye

 My precious mom took her final breath on Monday June 14, 2010 at 3:35 pm.  I am hurting deep inside I cannot explain the feeling.  Its like as if there is an empty space inside, I can't eat or sleep.  I believe she suffered alot toward the end even tho she was being kept as comfortable as possible. Mom never complained when she was sick or wouldn't go to doctors, she always said she was 'ok' because she didn't want us to worry about her.  I believe that even on her death bed she kept her pain from us for that same reason because I never heard her cry out. 

My brother, dad, myself and my son Paul & daughter Tiffany stayed at the nursing home day and night.  I never left her side for fear that she would slip away while I was gone.  I prayed and asked the Lord to take her and stop her suffering and also to have mercy on her soul.  The doctors and nurses said that the last to go is your hearing.  I know that she heard us when we spoke to her because she would move or jerk her body in response to our voices.  I told her to ask the Lord to come into her heart and to repent of her sins and ask Him to forgive her and take her into his kingdom.  My spanish is only for my family I don't speak very well, but that day I know the Holy Spirit allowed words to come out of my mouth that she understood.  

My parents are Catholics and I did not want to offend them by asking someone from my church to come pray over her.  Yet, I felt a need so great for prayer and asked the Lord to intervene the way He had done the whole week she had been in the nursing home.  My Lord never fails!!!  As I prayed and talked to my mother the door opened and a man walked in & introduced himself as a Pastor.  He said he had come to pray for my mom,  I thought my dad was going to say no because he wasn't a priest!  To my surprise dad allowed this man of God to pray over my mother and then sat quietly afterward as he spoke to all of us.  Within the next two hours three more Pastors all affiliated with the Hospice program walked into the room one by one at different times to pray for my mother.   The last one told my dad he was also a grief counselor and that he would come day or night to his house to pray or talk to him after my mother passed.  I was rejoicing within because of the way the Lord answered my prayers. I asked for a Pastor and he sent three!!

At the end there was a change in her movements and somehow we knew this was it. I asked that she say goodbye.   She opened her eyes and looked right at me then towards my brother, dad, and Tiffany.  Her eyes took in the entire room and then she slowly closed her eyes and took her last breath.

I miss my mother so much it hurts thinking she isn't next door or outside, but I am so grateful that the Lord took her when he did.  Dementia had escalated so rapidly that eventually she wouldn't even recognize any of us. Now I know she's not blind anymore and she can see, and her mind is clear.............until we meet again I love you mom..

RIP ♥

The Final Stage

            

 
Our tree of life began with many twigs that eventually became branches, these branches extended out in different directions and filled with leaves in different colors.  The fullness of our tree depends on how large our family is or becomes. Green leaves are beautiful and signify the beginning of our life and as they turn color it means that  we are about to lose one of our branches.   Which means that we are going thru different experiences in our lives.

My mothers tree was never very big and is now very bare with yellow leaves and a few green ones here and there.  She comes from a very large family of nine siblings, yet she herself had only two children.  I always wondered about this and decided to ask what happened or if there had been a problem.  To my surprise she and my dad decided that since they had a boy and a girl they didn't need anymore children.  (Never mind that all my life I was very lonely and always wished that I had a sister or another brother.) Now that Im older and going thru this experience of having to deal with the disease and the possibility of her passing I wish I had someone to turn to when I need to vent or cry, but there is no one. 

Mom is now in a nursing home that is locked down because they have several patients in the same condition as her and some like to wander.  I am having guilt feelings for placing her in this facility and because Im not able to keep her home and take care of her.  Even tho I know she is where she can receive the care that I can't give her.  Just knowing that she is in the final phases of this disease and that she may pass any day is is really taking its toll on me and my dad.  I have noticed he is not doing so well and know that I'll be repeating these steps with him someday.  Hopefully it won't be for a long time because I don't think I could go thru it right away. I have already said goodbye to the mom I knew and Im trusting in the Lord to help me and give me strength to help this new woman til her time to pass comes.  

I am so thankful that I know the Lord and that he is in my heart, and to know I can turn to him in my troubled moments.  My parents don't.  It hurts my heart to not know how God will deal with them or anyone else that does not know Him.

Pray for me..........

One Mind & One Accord

How does the mind work? The mind is very complex and a very interesting choice of study. We know that the left side of your brain controls the right side and vice versa. It is known that we retain the most information that we will learn in our entire life around the age of two thru five. The mind can retain photographic memories and put them in a file somewhere deep in the brain, so that as we grow older we may choose to remember or not.  Yes the brain can also hide many things that have occurred in our lives and that we choose not to remember.

While growing up our memory retains most of the good and happy times in our lives, such as parties, friends, places, and good friends. We remember the bad memories but don't talk about them by choice.  As adults we remember and cherish our memories of child birth, our childrens accomplishments, and even the sad and unhappy events. Sometimes our minds choose to forget sad hurtful events, but this is by choice. When the mind starts to skip and wander forcing us to think of some memory and we can't is when the problems start.

Doctors used to say that when you reached your golden years or become a senior citizen we tend to become forgetful and lose our concentration so we are senile. This has changed and now it is called Dementia.

Dementia is a disease that eats up the brain cells and you lose all or most of your short term memory depending at what stage of the disease your in. Yet the long term memory is there and many things from the past can be remembered vividly.  As your brain cells deteriorate your moods also change and a person can even become violent. At this point it is wise to put the person in a special home where they can be taken care of by professionals.  My mothers doctor explained that the only way to get some kind of idea as to how this disease works the mind is to picture a window screen and look at all the tiny little holes it has.  She went on to say that as the screen gets older the holes open up or tear and get bigger and bigger.  The outcome is that we finally need to get a new screen because there is nothing there to protect us from whatever.  Unfortunately  that is what happens to the brain cells, they start to shrink until the brain itself  is so small there is no memory left.  We cannot buy a new mind or get a brain transplant so eventually when all memory is gone it is then called Alzheimers and the person we knew is no longer there.  

My mother has this disease called Dementia and it has been very sad and painful watching the many changes she has gone thru.  She hardly has any short term memory,  yet because of  the long term memory she is able to tell me things from her past that happened in detail.  I have had many interesting conversations with her about the past and all that transpired.  She tells me stories about people that I have never met or knew.  In these conversations with her I have realized what a pampered child and young adult she was before she married.  The suffering she endured after she got married and to what extremes she went thru to keep her secrets buried inside her head.  Now because of the Dementia she speaks out and doesn't care who knows or hears what she is saying.

As I sit here writing this crying for the mom I knew who is gone mentally, she is in the hospital after a big set back.  The doctors are trying to help us find a home that will accept her and to speed up the Med-ical qualification.  They are aware of the danger she is to herself now and for us to not be able to watch her 24 hrs a day.   I pray that God take her and end her misery, this may be wrong to ask for, but she is suffering so much.  She has pnemunia and an infection, is having hallucinations and all the negative side of this disease is coming out.  My only regret is that my mother never knew the Lord as her personal savior as I do.  She was a good woman all her life and I know the Lord is merciful......Thy Will Be Done..........

Where did the month of April go?

Today I realized that it was already the month of June

The month of April  passed by so fast I feel as if I've been under water everyday.  I went places and did things just so I could actually feel the air and smell the flowers. 

There were graduations, baby showers, birthdays and sneak getaways, but I don't remember too much.  I have been so busy with my parents and all their many doctor appointments and their daily living  that each day just blended into the next.

We are trying to find a good convalescent home for my mom but they are so expensive that we have hit a block wall.  She needs constant attention and we (the family) realize that no one has the kind of money that will provide this care.   I never realized that it would be such a hassle to put someone in a home.

Being a senior citizen and sick is very sad because the system can only help if you have the means to pay for treatment or are so poor with no income.  If there is a retirement fund such as a pension and social security payments you may not qualify.  My mother does not qualify because there is too much money in the piggy bank. 

I am so tired and hyper at the same time staying up late at night trying to come up with a solution.  I pray that God will intervene and give us  the answer or make a way for my mother to receive the care she needs.

Don't Talk To Me Im Counting!

Today is Monday and I had planned to crochet on my new project which needs to be finished by tomorrow night for the baby shower.  It has been a very busy morning,  I have either been on the phone or people have been dropping in and now my hub is home from work!!!  Where did the time go?  It was 9:00am when I sat down and it is now 3:00!


First  my daughter Tiffany text me and everyone else that my my son-in-law was scheduled for surgery on Wednesday at 7:30 am.  He has been having many problems with his back, neck, arms and hands after he was re-injured in the same area  HIS NECK.   Hopefully all the suffering and pain he's been going thru will end on Wednesday  God willing.    Of course once our family found out about all this everyone begin calling me for information since they couldn't get a hold of my daughter who is at work and cannot receive phone calls.  I crochet a row in between the phone calls and am getting no where fast lol.


Dino came to install the new Norton virus cd for me and it took quite a while, but I don't care because now I won't get any Trojan horses running across my screen lol.  I had been hoping that Nancy would come and do what she did last year and save me the expense, but she is too busy working.


My daughter-in-law Sylvia called to fill me in on my granddaughters' progress in school and just to chat for a while (1 hr haha).  We don't really talk as much as we once did so I didn't want to hang up.   Besides I love to hear about Monica and  Danelle since I hardly see them anymore.  Funny when they are babies and lil girls they can't get enough of being with grandma, and once they grow into teenagers they don't have time...sob.  She also let me know that things are going smooth for her now that she is in her 6th mo pregnancy.  The baby's name may be Anthony or Damien or both lol.  I finally found out what theme she may use for the baby's room.  Her little girl Alicia will have to share rooms with her new baby brother so she's thinking of having  Raggedy Ann & Andy as the docor.  This makes it so much easier for me as to what to crochet and the colors to use ....wheww.


My nephew Danny called to say that he was bringing his mother and my uncle Joe to visit with my parents for a while.  More interruptions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh well I really don't mind because they hardly ever come over.   My mom and dad are lonely and don't have any relatives near by that they can visit,  so this was a welcome surprise for them.


Just as I picked up my crochet hook my granddaughter walked in the door and said she was making bean & cheese burritos for dinner.  Her brother lil Dino walked in and saw what she was making and of course he wanted one too.  Then Tiffany walked in and sat down to chat with me and go over the surgery details for Wednesday.   Her husband came in shortly and we all sat around my little 'computer room'  watching You Tube listening to Pentecostal singing.  I love this room it is so cozy and comfy.  This is where I sit and read my daily bread and look out at the rainbow of colors the Lord sends my way every day.  This is my favorite room where I pray, cry, work on my computer, crochet on my many projects  and blog on my blog.  Needless to say I am not going to finish unless I stay up all night long.


PPss I only have 3 rooms lol

Cherries for Mothers Day

My husband had a surprise for me on Mothers day, he said we had to get up dressed and out of the house early.  I thought he wanted to go see his mother in LA,  but I had told him that she was going to church with his sister and wouldn't be home.  After trying to find out where we were going and getting no where I decided to just go along and see where he took me. 

When we got on the fwy going towards Barstow I thought  "we're going to Vegas!!"  oops wrong again.  He got on Hwy 138 going west and I couldn't imagine where we were going.   My brother Daniel lives in Canyon Country & was supposed to come to our house to take mom to lunch or dinner depending on what time he arrived.  Since I spoke to him right before we left my house & assured me he was coming in the late afternoon.  Ummm unless we were picking  him up and his girlfriend Nancy would go later for him,  hmmmm I just couldn't imagine what the deal was.   I also knew we weren't going to see my uncle Tony who lives in Filmore, because he doesn't like unexpected visits.

Helen a friend & co-worker used to go to Little Rock all the time & buy lugs of peaches.  That's how it became a favorite place of mine and we have been going there for years since our kids were small.   There are tiny little towns surrounded by farms & orchards.  At some of the farms you can enter and pick peaches off the trees.  Most of these peaches are big, ripe, sweet, juicy & delish.  I like to browse in all the antique shops and the outdoor yard sales.  Charlie Brown is also a favorite store that has lots of things to look at including food.  We always buy peaches and grapes, couple bags of  pistachios and a couple of giant pickles, my mouth is watering already just talking about those pickles.  We always end the day eating  lunch at one of the little restaurants on the strip and then drive back home.


This was my surprise!   About a month ago I had told my hub of a conversation I had with a sister from our church. She knew that I was having a lot of problems with my left foot getting swollen and not being able to wear shoes. She told me that she had heard or read that cherries could probably help me with the problem I have.  If I eat six (6) cherries a day for a month its supposed to stop the swelling.   There was just one problemo.......cherries were not in season yet.  That was why we came to be in Little Rock, to see if they had cherries.  They did and we stopped when we saw a  big sign that read  RIPE CHERRIES.  My hub got off and bought 2 bags.  I think this was the sweetest thing he could have done for me.  Only he knows how much I suffer from swelling and cramping on my foot.

Maybe this  will work and maybe it won't, but one thing I'm sure of is that I love my hub for thinking of me and driving almost 2 hrs just to see if Charlie Browns had any cherries .  ♥♥

My brother and Nancy along with her daughter Katherine (who we all met for the first time) got to my house shortly after we did.  We took mom  to El Torito restaurant and she seemed to be enjoying herself.   I know she was happy to see her son who hadn't come around for weeks,  I only hope she remembers this day.

Walking Down The Aisle

I woke up early today so I could be ready when my friend Corrine came to pick me up. We had made plans the night before to go to Joann's Fabric store.   After I finished my usual daily routine of making my bed and picking up here and there I sat down to crochet on my new project while I waited for her.

She called around noon to ask if I would like to go eat lunch and that her husband was with her.  We ate at a  small Chinese restaurant near where I live and it was nice just talking and laughing while we waited for her daughter to come and join us.   I decided to ask my hub to go with me so I asked Corrine to drop me off at my house.     

After an afternoon siesta we left and went to the Dollar Tree store to look for Mother's Day cards for both our moms.  There were plenty of cards but no envelopes and the entire card section was a mess.  Ross store is right next door so I went and returned some towels I bought and don't want after all.

Finally we head on out to Joann's and I was amazed at all the sales there were. Everything was marked 40%, 50%, & even 90% off many items   I went through every aisle in the store or so it seemed and then I felt it.  A cramp was starting to form on the heel of my left foot and suddenly it happened so fast I almost fell over.  I couldn't walk and I know if anyone was looking at me they thought I must be crazy. I was hitting my foot on anything, the floor the edge of the tables etc.  It hurt soooo bad and I tried calling my hub but he didn't answer his cell.  I decided to limp as best I could towards the cashiers and pay for my stuff.  Any normal person would have just walked away and left everything there, not me.  I had found so many things at such wonderful prices I wasn't about to leave anything behind.

When I limped out of the store I had four bags full of yarn, easter items and a few other things I just couldn't resist.  The best part was the total, it came out to just $19.42.  Today was senior discount day on the total amount spent!  I  was so excited I almost forgot about my foot until I tried to walk out of the store.

New Beginnings

Today is a clear beautiful balmy day, my hub & I are relaxing sitting outside. Its so quiet around here because the grandkids aren't home.  We had a long leisurely  breakfast, I made his favorite which he can eat any time of the day, huevos rancheros.  We are deciding whether to work around the yard or go for a long ride to Lil Rock and maybe stop by his mothers house.

Whatever we do it'll be ok because we're together .....

There is a purpose behind every problem

"Share Each Other's Troubles and Problems, And In This Way Obey The Law of Christ"  Galatians 6:2
                                                                
If we learn to deal with our everyday problems and accept what comes with them I think life would be so much easier. Of course this sounds so simple when we just talk about it, but to actually go through one of many every day occurrences can prove to be challenging.  A doctor appointment can turn into a very long suffering event.  It  must be dealt with  plenty of time and preparation for this 'event'.  No unexpected decisions can be made without lots of planning.   Mom needs to be told in advance many times over of any plans that will cause any change in her everyday schedule or she gets very confused.

Explaining and dealing with the unexpected questions of why we must dress nice yet choose clothing which will help me, mom and the doctor for a simple blood pressure.  The dignity of a person must always be first in whatever decision is made.  Being firm without offending  or causing hurt feelings can be quite exhausting. When you've explained where how and when at least ten times plus can also drain your composure of being calm and staying focused.

Getting into the vehicle and hooking a seat belt is also a time consuming process.  I have decided that mom will no longer sit in the back as she insists on doing.  It is so much easier to hook her seat belt when she is in the front seat next to me.  Other wise I have to climb into the back and  wait for her to move her body or clothing off the lock so we can hook the seat belt!  Mom insists she can do this task by herself each time she gets in the vehicle and after much arguing and frustration on her part she gives up.  She is always cold so we can't use the a/c and since she doesn't want to mess up her hair windows cannot be opened either. Loud noise or too many people talking at one time make her very nervous so that of course means no radio.  Sometimes I do put the radio on very low just to distract myself  from her many complaints. I also turn a/c on and aim the vents directly toward me, I become claustrophobic when I  cannot breath!  Driving miss Daisy is also another thing I must keep in check  Forget the speed limit-I need to drive SLOW because mom feels every bump and it causes her pain.  I didn't think I drove fast because everyone always tells me I drive like an 'ole lady' hahaha.  No matter how I drive fast or slow my driving will continue to be an issue.

Arrival at the medical office creates more tears and arguments because mom doesn't want to sit in a wheel chair.  Telling her that its much easier for me to push her so she won't get tired of walking doesn't seem to help matters any.  In her mind its another way of saying she isn't capable of one more thing....walking...

While waiting for the doctor and hearing her many complaints whether real or her imagination makes me very sad.  I know that the aging process has long ago taken effect on her body, but this dementia is really taking a toll on her and on me.  Starting the routine all over with new doctors, hospitals, and being seen by different specialists makes her very agitated and in turn she makes it very hard for my dad and myself to cope.

God has promised that he will not give me anything that I can't cope with.  I am standing on his promises to see me through these days which I also know may be my moms last.  Many things in life happen for a reason and these problems are just an example.  The main thing is that I keep on trusting the Lord for strength and just go one day at a time.  Each night before I close my eyes and go to sleep I realize that it wasn't as hard as it seemed but only as hard as I let it be.

Oh What A day

                                   Oh What A Day

I enjoy the beginning of the week and Mondays are not too bad,  they can get hectic like today for instance but normally I can handle whatever comes up.   I actually enjoy the new week.  It is one of three days when I do things around the house because my hub goes to work. When I finish all my housework  I can relax the rest of the day and take it easy until he comes home from work. I read The Word and maybe I'll crochet on a project or I'll just sit and  look out my window and enjoy the morning. I've been neglecting my gardens for so long now and had planned on planting some roses and transplanting some of my flowers, but that didn't happen.  Instead I had a very busy morning and afternoon taking my parents to the medical center.

Both my parents had to have some lab work done today before their next doctor appointments.  I decided to see if  my dad could be seen by a doctor since we were there.   He tripped and fell over the weekend while locking the front door and has been in a lot of pain, but would not go to the emergency.  After a long wait, x-rays  and 2 broken ribs he was sent home with a band around his body and a prescription for pain pills.  It was very hard for him to get in and out of the truck,  and it was hard for me trying to get my mom in & out of the truck by myself.  Its times like these that I am over whelmed with all that happens in our daily lives.

Tomorrow I will have to get up early  and do it all over, this time because mom has a doctor appointment at 10:00am.  She keeps saying that she doesn't want to see any more doctors.  Its days like these that make mom very confused and agitated. I have learned that people who have dementia do not like any changes in their daily routines.

I do not like changes in my life either but with trust and leaning on His everlasting arms I will make it.

Mom's 83rd Birthday

Thank you Jesus!
Today is my mothers birthday, she has been blessed with 83 years. She was born in Lone Wolf Oklahoma and one of nine siblings. Her family moved to Mexico until she was nine years old and then back to the United States after her mother died. She was raised on a farm and was the darling of the family & her fathers favorite....chuckle. She married my dad at a young age, moved to Texas had two children and lived there until 1958 when they came to California in search of better jobs. She started working and ended up at Fullview Corp working there for 35 yrs. They lived and raised my brother Daniel and  I in Cypress Park a suburb of Los Angeles. Later on in there golden years they retired and moved to Apple Valley for many years. When we realized both were not doing well physically and were living too far, my son-in-law built a studio apt for them. Now it is easier to take care of them and I feel better knowing they are close in case they get sick. 


I really wish the day was nice & sunny, but it still looks like it may rain. Yesterday it rained off and on till late into the night. The sun is playing peek-a-boo and it is overcast dreary & cold outside. Mom has an appointment at the hair dresser today & my dad has already taken her, as usual they left an hour early lol. Dad's theory is that they'll have a chance of being seen sooner. I called early in the morning to let her know that I was coming over to help her get ready and dressed but I know she forgot to tell dad. Now I can only hope that she managed to match her clothes....yikes


Mom has dementia and is not aware of her days or certain events in life anymore. She is getting more & more forgetful as each day passes. It is hard to make her understand she is in the wrong day or the wrong year. She is easily confused and gets frustrated because she cannot believe or won't accept that what we tell her is true. Most of the time she is very depressed and sad but according to the doctors this is caused by the dementia. She is also totally blind from one eye and sees very little from the other, sometimes I think she sporadically does see good from that eye.


Since my parents moved here six months ago it has been very hard and stressful to see my  mother in this condition. She is very frail and needs help with everything. She was always a very independent woman, and a sweet soft spoken person who never argued or had anything bad to say about anyone. She was easy going and usually never demanded anything unless it came to myself or my brother. This person who has taken over is completely and sadly not my mother. Everyday is new and traumatic, I never know what to expect. Sometimes its as if I'm dealing with a defiant child that needs to be scolded and punished. I have come to realize that the situation has changed and I am now in the role of being the parent.
I WANT MY MOTHER BACK!....sob


I ask God  to give me strength and endurance for each day. To give me patience when I get angry because I've answered her questions 50 times plus 50. To put compassion in my heart so I never get out of control with her temper tantrums. Some days are pretty calm and less chaotic than others, but these are becoming farther and farther apart. I thank the Lord for my wonderful husband who is always there for me. He helps do what I can't or am unable to do myself, most of the time he just lets me cry on his shoulder or just listens.....gulp  Tiffany my daughter is also a tremendous help, because even  though she has a family and works everyday she somehow manages to help me. My brother lives so far away and has medical issues of his own and cannot come to help.  The responsibility of taking care of my parents falls on me and my family.....♥


I know that the situation with my mom will eventually get worse and we will have to make the decision of putting her in a convalescent home.  My greatest desire in life would be for my mother to receive the Lord in her heart because then I would know that she has gone home to be with him.....sigh. 


As I write this I am reminded of  how alone I feel at times with no other family members near by or anyone to talk to or call for help, so when I read ..... Heb.13:58  'For God has said, "I will never leave you; I will never abandon you.".........I feel secure in His arms. 


I love you mom ♥

Fun In LA

Its been quite a while that we have been to Mt Washington (Highland Pk), so we decided yesterday to go and visit my mom-in-luv who lives there. Its has also been some time since our last visit with her. She is elderly and frail but in good spirits. Her birthday is coming up and she will turn 87 years old this June. I call her Bennie and she is one of the kindest most sweetest persons any one could ever meet. She has been adopted and called grandma by many people in church. For the last 43 years I have never ever seen her angry or show any sign of anger toward anyone. 

My sis-in-law & I decided to do some shopping and my hubb stayed home with Bennie while she took her daily afternoon nap. We went to the Glendale Galleria which I have not stepped foot in for at least 15 yrs since I moved away. We drove to La Crescenta where I used to live and work that many years ago too. Of course we had to make our pizza stop in Eagle Rock, which was home to a lot of my relatives who have now moved away too. We had so much fun laughing and talking while driving from one place to the other, by the time we got back to the house it was 9:30. We were cracking up and having a good ole time while we looked at some of the pictures that I have posted on my FB profile. Since my hub had to work on Monday he gave me the sign that it was time to leave. My word it was 11:30 and we still had an hour drive home!!!

I really miss living down in LA sometimes because there is so much to do and see.  Even though it is lonely for me here in the IE I know that in reality I probably could never live there again because my kids live in the IE and I would miss my grandbabies too much.  Maybe I'll just visit more often & go shopping or sight seeing, who knows......

My Crochet Projects

This is one of my favorite blankets to crochet, it is the ripple stitch quite easy and fast to make. This blanket can also be made into an afghan in any size. 

The blue and white look very nice together and just by changing the colors it can be for either a boy or girl.  While it is a little challenging when making blankets for boys because you can't add frills or ruffles, baby yarn can be used to give it a soft cuddly look.  

 

This blanket is in a variegated brown & beige color with two borders of dark cocoa brown on each end. To give it a different look I added fringe on the ends to dress it up without giving it a girly look. Different designs form as this variegated pattern is crocheted and give it an interesting look. These colors work well for a boy, and by using soft yarn it can be a baby blanket.

One of my first projects was a crochet bedspread in these same variegated colors which I gave to my dad, and he still uses it today.

Easter Sunday

Easter Sunday was a beautiful day, we had an awesome bible study and great message by Pastor Booker. Because of Saturday Outreach the church was packed and seating was limited. I don't get to church as often as I should because taking care of my mother makes it impossible sometimes. I have promised myself that I will at least go to the morning service and see how that goes for the time being.

After the service we were invited by very special friends to their house for Easter lunch/dinner. We ate appetizers before sitting down to a delicious meal of ham, asparagus (delish), potatoes, salad and a roast, all that and then a delicious coconut creme pie.

Just as we all finished eating but still sitting around the table with lots of laughter & talking, there was a moment of silence. An earthquake with the magnitude of 9.2 was happening. It felt as if it went on and on for about a full minute if not two. It slowed down after a minute and picked up again and just continued. We all waited to see what would happen when it suddenly stopped. 

God decided to shake the earth and remind everyone that He is Alive.