So Im in the van with my hubadub on the way to Menifee to see my grandkids. They both had surgery today. Adrian had tubes inserted into his ears and Alyssa had her adenoids taken out. Both are doing great and were sent home same day which was TODAY! What happened to the good old days when they kept you at least one day before sending you home to make sure everything is fine?
Looking out the window I notice this big semi truck next to us and hoping he stays right where he is so he can keep the shade on me. When I suddenly realize the words on side of the truck are: ' SOCO '. That of
course does not mean much to anyone except me................I immediately went into distress mode!!
My poor hub, he didn't know what to think and I was crying so hard I couldn't talk!
There are many things everyday that remind me of my mom, but this was the ultimate. Usually swallowing hard, blinking rapidly and taking a deep breath I can move on to the next episode. Telling myself that she'll always be in my heart etc etc.......you, whoever you may be try it & move on and see how easy that is NOT.
Ahh yeah, getting back to the truck. I'll tie in why it effected me so bad. My mothers name was Socorro, (which in spanish also means 'HELP', can you imagine naming your child Help?) Anyway where was I? Her family shortened mom's name when she was very young from Socorro to 'SOCO'. When I think Im ok and gonna make it, something like this pops up out of no where to remind me she's gone. I only wish TIME as everyone keeps telling me would hurry up and do its job, dang it!
When we moved to California mom had another name change by my daddy lol. He decided that since she was going to enter the working world she needed a modern name. Her new name was to be Cora, making it easier to pronounce. Through out the years she was introduced as Cora and no one knew that was not her real name unless we told them. (Of course- she always signed her real name on important papers)
Until the next time.....................................
The day is almost here when I will be a 'great aunt' again. My nephew Brandon and his wife Caroline are expecting their first lil baby (a boy) any day now. Great grandpa David (my papa) is gonna mosey on to Santa Clarita and stay with grandpa Dan (my brother) so they can both be there when this joyous event happens. How awesome is that?
Mean while Im busy crocheting a blanket for one of the women in our church who is also having a baby boy. Im so happy for these people but Im happier its them and not me lol.
Grandpa Dan, Daddy Brandon, Great Grandpa David
Closer to home; my grandson Lil Dino is now a freshman in high school! How cool is that or should I say amazing. Yikes! He is my baby boy, my baby grandson, before I know he'll be graduating. We're so proud of him and I pray God keeps his hand on him during these years and doesn't let anything come between school and his love of church.
Dino & Daisy
Daisy on the other hand is now in the tenth grade and has joined the tennis team. She has gone for her physical and is ready to start playing and become the next champion lol.
It will have to be continuation school for my granddaughter Monica, and hopefully the year will be a successful one. I know she can do good in school from what I remember, the problem is her wanting to. She needs to set a goal for herself in order to accomplish what ever she wants to do. I hate peer pressure!!!
Now that Danelle has graduated hopefully she will go on to college or some kind of educational school. I also hope she stays home and doesn't move out of her mothers house. They are my beautiful grandbaby girls and I love them to smitherings. God protect them and keep them safe from harm. Hopefully someday they will come to know Him as I do.
Both girls along with my oldest grandson Mikey came and spent a weekend, hanging out at my daughters house. On Sunday we all went to church just like in the old days. I was so emotional over this, it was a special treat or an early birthday present.
My heart and prayers go out to Mikey that somehow he'll have a way to be able to continue his education. I am very proud of him because he is working two jobs and doing alright for himself.
I am a happy grandmother and I love all eleven plus the four foster grandchildren I have. There is never a day goes by that one of them doesn't pop in my mind. Though I might not see some of them as much as I'd like to I still think of them constantly.♥♥♥
I am feeling really down and sad and unhappy and hurt. Lets see I don't think I can think of another word to describe me today............oooops one more MAD. WAIT, only dogs get mad, I am very ANGRY!
Today my brother along with his girlfriend Nancy and my dad met up at the cemetery to see the marker that was finally put on mom's grave site. Its only been a whole year and two months for this to happen, but who's counting days? Why am I angry?...............WELL they somehow forgot to include me in their plans (aha! maybe they figure Nancy is the adopted daughter and felt there was no need for me)? They also didn't bother to tell me they've known for a month, but I guess it wasn't important for me to know since I didn't contribute anything. We live so far from each other that maybe 'out of sight out of mind' was the case today. My brother likes to say...........'I don't want to hear anything except about myself so don't tell me anything thats gonna make my heart start fluttering'. He is not kidding either.
A big family with lots of siblings of both genders is just unimaginable to me and believe me, I am so jealous of anyone who comes from such wonderful chaos. If anyone in these families were ever forgotten they would eventually be informed by one sibling or another....LOL I only have one brother and my own immediate family consists of only my daughter and her family of three. Thats why I can't imagine how you can forget one or two siblings!!! What is going on?
Being forgotten or snubbed which ever may be the case and not seeing 'the marker' is not going to take away my memories I have of all the years I had with my mother.
Just typing on this blog has made me feel so much better yippee!. I am so over all this drama I created for myself lol. All the tears and ugly thoughts I had are gone. I will pray for my brother and Nancy that they find the peace I have knowing God and how he has taught me to forgive others their trespasses as He has forgiven me.
My grandson Dino has talked about joining the navy and already has his whole life planned out. This kind of talk started at the age of eleven! He is sooooo cute I just love him to smitherings. Part of his dream will come true this year when he will be in the Navy Jr Rotc in high school. As a result he has had to train this week for 32 hours of 'Hell Week'. Getting up early every day my poor grandson has looked exhausted with dark circles under his eyes.
Today was the graduation ceremony for the Plebes which made it through this hard training. It was a beautiful day and quite cool since the ceremony was early in the morning.....thank God. It started with the marching of the guard.
There wasn't the usual crowds of people because there were only eighteen Plebes that made it through the whole week and passed. After some of the officers spoke the Plebes were given their awards.
When they called out Dino's name they also announced that he was one of the top four in the academic area, and that he would receive an award for having passed the course with a hundred per cent. We were so proud of Lil D.
His grandpa and I were crying through the entire ceremony. Dino is the youngest of all our grandchildren and he really applied himself to achieve this honor. We are so very proud of him.
Dino wants to be in the NJROTC throughout the four years he is in high school, therefore, reaching some of the ranks before he enlists in the Navy. His plans are to become an engineer while doing his stint and going to whatever highest rank he can get. All of this he can explain to anybody who asks a lot better than I ever will be able to lolol.
Marriage is a lifetime commitment and a lot of newlyweds are so in love with love they can't even imagine themselves going through something similar to this link. When I saw this link on Face Book it made me sad. Read, see what you think about it.
MARRIAGE When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsidethe door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband.... The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.