Monday, March 28, 2011

Flowers In My Garden

 This was my little popcorn head. My granddaughter Danelle.  She was adorable and lived with us when she was born so she became everyone's baby. No, she wasn't spoiled and I don't say that because Im her grandma but because its true. She was a good baby who slept well in the night and hardly ever cried, once you took care of her business she was fine.  She let everyone dress her up like a little doll baby and smiled the whole time.
Now this little baby is all grown up and will be graduating in June of this year. She was never brilliant in school but managed to get by and pass her classes. She struggled more than most kids her age, but look at her now.  It was touch and go for a while and both her mother and I didn't think she would make it.  But we're so proud to say she really buckled down and worked real hard on all her classes.  Im so excited for her because this gives her confidence in herself that she can do what ever she sets her mind on.

This is Danelle with her special baby brother Adrian. She is so good with him and is always helping her mother in caring for him.  With three sisters he gets all the attention he needs and then some.

 Danelle and Destinee having a good time on Monica's (my 3rd granddaughter) birthday, taking pictures of each other.  I don't see my granddaughters as much as I'd like to so I wanted to go visit them and at the same time be able to see lil Adrian my 'grandson'.

Time goes by so fast that soon they'll be all grown up and who knows what God has in store for them.  I just pray that he keeps his hand on them  through out their futures.  Monica and Danelle are special to me because they don't see their father (my son) at all, and I want them to know that Im here for them.  Im so very thankful that their mother lets me talk and see them as much as possible. I have always felt that Sylvia was a daughter to me even when my son left and I am very proud of the way she raised the girls by herself.

 Monica will be next and we are all encouraging her to do good in school so she can graduate too.  I worry about her because of the three girls she is the one who I think has deep hurts regarding her daddy.  She tries to act 'tuff' but I know my baby girl is as soft as a lamb.





Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Spring Is In The Air

The first day of Spring was very cold and windy, with lots of rain all day long.  The clouds were dark and angry looking covering the entire sky.  The sun would peek through every once in a while but it didn't have a chance with all the rain we had.  There was hail falling in the late afternoon and lots of snow in the mountains again. 

It was a day to sit around the fireplace with a good book, drinking a cup of chocolate or coffee.    It was not a day to be out in the streets if you didn't have to.  Being afraid of hydroplaning on the freeways I always take the streets when it rains.   In my opinion people don't know how to drive in the rain.   

Today I was forced to go out among all those people who drive without a care in the world speeding where ever they are going.   My dad had a doctor appointment to see a Cardio Vascular Specialist.  Praise God that we just have to drive about a mile to the doctors office from our house.  The only problem is the parking, or lack of parking.  With rain pouring down on me after having left dad by the front door and then having to park about a block from the building I managed to get very WET!

The specialist has decided that he'll perform an angio-gram and will inject a dye to see how clogged the arteries are.  If he can repair the arteries during this procedure he will do so but he won't know until that day.   Dad has an ulcer (sore) on the left ankle that is not healing because of poor circulation on that leg.    Right now there is no pulse from his knee down to his foot and that is not good news.  It could get gangrene and then he'll need to have his leg amputated.   Thursday dad will be seen by the primary doctor who will let us know the results of the sonogram that was done last week.    

Am I worried?   YES!   I don't understand why this is happening and Im trying to act brave as if I know that all will be ok.   What else can I do?   Each time I talk to a doctor my hopes diminish more and more.  Im trusting in Jesus to lead me and guide each step of the way no matter what road I have to follow.   I wish that dad who will be 83 yrs old in June could live out the rest of his days pain free.   Everyday he limps worse than the day before and I see that he's hurting and in pain.   If God takes my dad I pray that he will help me cope with another parent gone.  I still think of my mom alot but having dad around as onery as he is takes up alot of my time and energy just to keep him busy and entertained.  I am very blessed in having a husband who helps me with whatever I ask of him.  He understands the predicament Im in and never complains that I don't pay enough attention to him.  He understands that my dad needs me right now because there is no one else to help him.   He is he always trying to cheer me up and I know he prays for me all the time.    

This year is not what I had expected but to be honest I don't know what I was expecting.  Winter is over and with it I had hoped the Spring would perk us up.  Its my favorite time of the year,   I love seeing  all the beautiful flowers and plants in my garden.  Watching  the blossoms on the trees when they all come alive after being dormant for a few months.       

Spring is here!  

Saturday, March 19, 2011

So many things in life are taken for granted and most don't stop to realize how blessed we are.  There are many in the third world countries who are suffering and hungry and will probably never know what it is to enjoy the riches God has given us.  

We are surrounded by family and church family who love us. We come and go where ever we wish without asking anyone for permission.  In the past few weeks many have lost their loved ones and everything they once knew as 'home'. They were left homeless and alone not knowing where to go or what to do.

Each day we wake up surrounded by God's beauty yet we complain because we are bored or wish we didn't have to work. While others have woken up to devastation not knowing what they will do just to survive through the day.

                                                     EACH DAY IS A GIFT FROM GOD

We should not gloat for we know not when nor the day nor the hour in which all that we have may be taken. 

Thursday, March 17, 2011

The Conclusion to my Prayer

I saw this Irish blessing on someones blog and since today is St Patrick's Day I find it very appropriate for my situation:           
                                                    Always remember to forget
                                                    The friends that proved untrue.                                       
                                        But never forget to remember
                                        Those that have stuck by you.

My phone rang off and on while I spent most of my morning with my dad at the doctors office yesterday.  I was unable to answer any calls because they were doing a sonogram and I couldn't have my phone turned on.  Just as I expected my friend left a few messages wanting to arrange for us to meet sometime during the day.  Not being able to reach me she eventually called my daughter and they met some where and I now finally have my 'stuff'.

I prayed and asked God to take care of this situation with this person, but I did ask Him to make me bite my tongue in the event that I did happen to speak to them on the phone.  I want to do what is right and I know it wouldn't sound right if I let my mouth run.  lol

Yes yeap He worked it all out and all is good with me now.................why do I even wonder what will happen?  All I have to do is ask Him.


Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Senior Moment

As I pray for Japan I will pray for this person too!
Why are some people so full of hot air in the brain that they think what ever they do is going to be acceptable and forgiven no matter what?
I have a problem with this especially when promises are made and not kept.  Why would someone offer and be so kind and generous and then not go through what they are supposed to do?     I wonder if its just me that thinks this way.
Another pet peeve of mine are people who cannot ever be on time and keep you waiting for hours.  OR offering  their help and then taking forever to finish. 
Im really upset because this just happened to me and this person was so kind and generously offered to do something for me.  After careful written instructions and measurements on what I wanted done, almost a month later Im still waiting.  I have made many phone calls which went unanswered and sent text messages which were also ignored.  By going thru an outside source I finally reached said person who informed me that they do not check their phone for messages or hardly ever answer their phone, PHOOEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Is it wrong to call them liars?   How do I know if its true or not?
Why, why, why?   I asked myself knowing how this person is did I ever let them convince me  to do me any favor.  I truly forgot how they do not keep their word and how forgetful they are too.   Also; in my brainless senior moment I forgot how they never finish anything they start until weeks or months later.   
Today they promised to be here by 4pm to bring my unfinished 'stuff.'    BECAUSE I really need my 'stuff'  finished or not I canceled plans of visiting a friend who just got out of the hospital, and instead went with my daughter to a doctor appointment.   We took her kids out for lunch and treated ourselves to a mani/pedi but made sure we were home by  4:00.......................................... They didn't show up!................................   At 5:45 they called to say they weren't gonna make it (oh really) would it be alright to come later.  Aarrgghh!!!     What could I say except YES....(I need my stuff just get it here!)
They never came or called and Im still waiting for my things.  Im sure that tomorrow I will receive a phone call telling me why they didn't get here.  Did I learn a lesson?  I sure did!  Never ever talk to this person again after they bring my things back.   Never believe anything they say because its not true.  Last but not least NEVER answer the phone when I see that number or name pop up on my screen.      

Sunday, March 13, 2011

What Next?

Does anyone ever wonder why things always seem to happen when your not expecting anything to happen?  I seem to have a problem with that question always.   I just want to do whats right and go about my business without any hassles or worries, be kind to my fellow man and live my life.  Seems that I always end up with a lap full of problems or dilemas that I have to solve or deal with whether I like it or not.  

I should have made my career in nursing instead of in computers, or I should have entered the monastery for nuns or sisters.  My calling should have been that as of Mother Teresa.

All joking aside I really am close to tears every day.  Taking care of my mother for months while she was sick with dementia and many other ailments and then going thru the emotional period when she died.   I tried to be strong and only release my grief at night or when I knew I was alone.   After these few months I thought that finally I could just go on with my every day life.  Wrong!!  There is still one parent left........... my dad.  He has been a lost soul since my mom passed away and while not really being a bother to me he is just plain uncooperative with any suggestions I make.

One good example of that is when he fell in December he was very stubborn about letting me make an appointment to see a doctor.   In mid January after coming home from church one Sunday and finding him in excruciating pain I convinced him he should go to the emergency room.  He was in so much pain he couldn't hardly get up from bed that he finally gave in and agreed to let me take him.   X-rays showed nothing broken only that he had contusions and bruising.   Visits with his primary doctor were scheduled.  Just in time thank God because he has a wound on his left ankle that he never mentioned to me or anyone else.  Come to think of it maybe he mentioned it to my brother hhmmm.   The doctor showed dad how to clean the wound and gave him an ointment to put on it.   He also gave him a prescription for an anti biotic to help ease the pain and infection.   At the next visit matters didn't get any better, the doctor was very concerned at the way the wound had grown and was not healing.  He took some cultures to see if he had some type of infection and had the nurse schedule an appointment for an MRI.

The day before the MRI he was seen by the primary doctor once again.   This time the ankle was not only very swollen but his foot was almost black in color and very cold.  This is caused by poor circulation of the blood and since it seems that dad is also having black outs it may be clotting of the arteries too.   The doctor said he was going to cancel  the MRI appointment because the cultures he had taken from the wound on the ankle had come back negative from any infection.   He looked very upset because the wound was not healing and said there was a possiblity that the ankle and foot now had gangrene!   .........Oh Lord what happened to my everyday wish for peaceful days?..............   My mouth dropped, I was speechless!    I don't think that dad really understood what he'd just been told because he kept talking and didn't really express anything one way or the other.  After excusing himself and going to consult with one of his colleagues about my dads predicament the doctor came back.    The result is that my dad will be seen by the top cardio vascular specialist in the IE who deals with these kinds of situations.  Someone would be calling to give us the date for an appointment.   BUT since dad is a new patient he will have to be worked into this doctors busy schedule and  because the soonest day for a normal appointment wouldn't be until late April they didn't know when it would be!!!!!    I prayed that his foot doesn't fall off before then, In Jesus Name.

Thank God the insurance approved everything; from one day to the next an appointment for a sonogram and consultation to see the specialist were made for a week later.    God answered my prayers Hallelujah!!!

In the mean time now Im having to deal with my brother who can't understand why we have to wait a little over a week for these appointments.  He even wanted his girlfriend to call and talk to the doctors about making the appointments sooner.   He's upset that Im not doing anything about it, little does he know.   What a laugh!!!!!   Oh me oh my,  where has he been for the past 8 months that I've been taking care of daddy without any input let alone help from him.   Im not complaining Lord Im just tired.     

'You can't force anyone to do anything.'   Thats what brother dearest told me when I asked him to come and take dad to see a doctor.   He told daddy to prop his foot up and the elevation would help the pain on his foot.  Thats what he does when his feet are tired and he doesn't go see doctors for that.

Now we wait and and I've explained to Daniel how the medical system works and why we are lucky and should be thankful that the doctors office and the insurance responded so fast and set appointments within a week and a half!

Im very worried but I have faith in God that he will see us through this situation and help ME cope with whatever the end result will be.  Which is that he may need to have his foot amputated.   


Friday, March 4, 2011

Wandering Minds

All day I kept thinking there was something missing or wrong as if I had forgotten to do or go somewhere.  I just didn't know what.  It  was a very calm peaceful day with nothing unexpected happening as is usually the case around  this plantation of ours.  I felt anxious as if something was going to happen.  I was alone in the house for most of the day crocheting on a dress for my granddaughter but I just couldn't concentrate.   I kept thinking that maybe I should call someone or talk to somebody but who?  My husband was piddling around outside and would pop in every now and then but I didn't feel like talking to him.  That is so weird. 

While sitting in my office looking out the window at all the bareness of the forest outside it made me sad because thats how I felt.  I know I miss my mom so much sometimes but I know that wasn't what was bothering me.    I just really felt WEIRD. 

Things happen for a reason and Im tired of being the nice guy all the time.  Im tired of always having to compromise so that no one gets their feelings hurt and end up being the fall guy.  I don't like confrontations of any kind and I'd rather give in than argue about something  that really means nothing.  I know there are others who feel this way too, I wonder what they do.  Im just rambling now and so many words are entering my head and I don't know which to put in front of the other.  There is so much I want to say and can't because this blog is not for airing  all my grievances. 

If its the Lord trying to get something through to me I hope he opens up not only my ears but my mind and my heart so I can listen and hear.  My soul cries out Hallelujah!  He's my comfort and my strength in my time of despair.

 I will go to bed now and maybe tomorrow will be different.