Wednesday, April 28, 2010
If we learn to deal with our everyday problems and accept what comes with them I think life would be so much easier. Of course this sounds so simple when we just talk about it, but to actually go through one of many every day occurrences can prove to be challenging. A doctor appointment can turn into a very long suffering event. It must be dealt with plenty of time and preparation for this 'event'. No unexpected decisions can be made without lots of planning. Mom needs to be told in advance many times over of any plans that will cause any change in her everyday schedule or she gets very confused.
Explaining and dealing with the unexpected questions of why we must dress nice yet choose clothing which will help me, mom and the doctor for a simple blood pressure. The dignity of a person must always be first in whatever decision is made. Being firm without offending or causing hurt feelings can be quite exhausting. When you've explained where how and when at least ten times plus can also drain your composure of being calm and staying focused.
Getting into the vehicle and hooking a seat belt is also a time consuming process. I have decided that mom will no longer sit in the back as she insists on doing. It is so much easier to hook her seat belt when she is in the front seat next to me. Other wise I have to climb into the back and wait for her to move her body or clothing off the lock so we can hook the seat belt! Mom insists she can do this task by herself each time she gets in the vehicle and after much arguing and frustration on her part she gives up. She is always cold so we can't use the a/c and since she doesn't want to mess up her hair windows cannot be opened either. Loud noise or too many people talking at one time make her very nervous so that of course means no radio. Sometimes I do put the radio on very low just to distract myself from her many complaints. I also turn a/c on and aim the vents directly toward me, I become claustrophobic when I cannot breath! Driving miss Daisy is also another thing I must keep in check Forget the speed limit-I need to drive SLOW because mom feels every bump and it causes her pain. I didn't think I drove fast because everyone always tells me I drive like an 'ole lady' hahaha. No matter how I drive fast or slow my driving will continue to be an issue.
Arrival at the medical office creates more tears and arguments because mom doesn't want to sit in a wheel chair. Telling her that its much easier for me to push her so she won't get tired of walking doesn't seem to help matters any. In her mind its another way of saying she isn't capable of one more thing....walking...
While waiting for the doctor and hearing her many complaints whether real or her imagination makes me very sad. I know that the aging process has long ago taken effect on her body, but this dementia is really taking a toll on her and on me. Starting the routine all over with new doctors, hospitals, and being seen by different specialists makes her very agitated and in turn she makes it very hard for my dad and myself to cope.
God has promised that he will not give me anything that I can't cope with. I am standing on his promises to see me through these days which I also know may be my moms last. Many things in life happen for a reason and these problems are just an example. The main thing is that I keep on trusting the Lord for strength and just go one day at a time. Each night before I close my eyes and go to sleep I realize that it wasn't as hard as it seemed but only as hard as I let it be.
Posted by Mary at 1:03 PM
Monday, April 26, 2010
Oh What A Day
I enjoy the beginning of the week and Mondays are not too bad, they can get hectic like today for instance but normally I can handle whatever comes up. I actually enjoy the new week. It is one of three days when I do things around the house because my hub goes to work. When I finish all my housework I can relax the rest of the day and take it easy until he comes home from work. I read The Word and maybe I'll crochet on a project or I'll just sit and look out my window and enjoy the morning. I've been neglecting my gardens for so long now and had planned on planting some roses and transplanting some of my flowers, but that didn't happen. Instead I had a very busy morning and afternoon taking my parents to the medical center.
Both my parents had to have some lab work done today before their next doctor appointments. I decided to see if my dad could be seen by a doctor since we were there. He tripped and fell over the weekend while locking the front door and has been in a lot of pain, but would not go to the emergency. After a long wait, x-rays and 2 broken ribs he was sent home with a band around his body and a prescription for pain pills. It was very hard for him to get in and out of the truck, and it was hard for me trying to get my mom in & out of the truck by myself. Its times like these that I am over whelmed with all that happens in our daily lives.
Tomorrow I will have to get up early and do it all over, this time because mom has a doctor appointment at 10:00am. She keeps saying that she doesn't want to see any more doctors. Its days like these that make mom very confused and agitated. I have learned that people who have dementia do not like any changes in their daily routines.
I do not like changes in my life either but with trust and leaning on His everlasting arms I will make it.
Posted by Mary at 6:08 PM
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Thank you Jesus!
Today is my mothers birthday, she has been blessed with 83 years. She was born in Lone Wolf Oklahoma and one of nine siblings. Her family moved to Mexico until she was nine years old and then back to the United States after her mother died. She was raised on a farm and was the darling of the family & her fathers favorite....chuckle. She married my dad at a young age, moved to Texas had two children and lived there until 1958 when they came to California in search of better jobs. She started working and ended up at Fullview Corp working there for 35 yrs. They lived and raised my brother Daniel and I in Cypress Park a suburb of Los Angeles. Later on in there golden years they retired and moved to Apple Valley for many years. When we realized both were not doing well physically and were living too far, my son-in-law built a studio apt for them. Now it is easier to take care of them and I feel better knowing they are close in case they get sick.
I really wish the day was nice & sunny, but it still looks like it may rain. Yesterday it rained off and on till late into the night. The sun is playing peek-a-boo and it is overcast dreary & cold outside. Mom has an appointment at the hair dresser today & my dad has already taken her, as usual they left an hour early lol. Dad's theory is that they'll have a chance of being seen sooner. I called early in the morning to let her know that I was coming over to help her get ready and dressed but I know she forgot to tell dad. Now I can only hope that she managed to match her clothes....yikes
Mom has dementia and is not aware of her days or certain events in life anymore. She is getting more & more forgetful as each day passes. It is hard to make her understand she is in the wrong day or the wrong year. She is easily confused and gets frustrated because she cannot believe or won't accept that what we tell her is true. Most of the time she is very depressed and sad but according to the doctors this is caused by the dementia. She is also totally blind from one eye and sees very little from the other, sometimes I think she sporadically does see good from that eye.
Since my parents moved here six months ago it has been very hard and stressful to see my mother in this condition. She is very frail and needs help with everything. She was always a very independent woman, and a sweet soft spoken person who never argued or had anything bad to say about anyone. She was easy going and usually never demanded anything unless it came to myself or my brother. This person who has taken over is completely and sadly not my mother. Everyday is new and traumatic, I never know what to expect. Sometimes its as if I'm dealing with a defiant child that needs to be scolded and punished. I have come to realize that the situation has changed and I am now in the role of being the parent.
I WANT MY MOTHER BACK!....sob
I ask God to give me strength and endurance for each day. To give me patience when I get angry because I've answered her questions 50 times plus 50. To put compassion in my heart so I never get out of control with her temper tantrums. Some days are pretty calm and less chaotic than others, but these are becoming farther and farther apart. I thank the Lord for my wonderful husband who is always there for me. He helps do what I can't or am unable to do myself, most of the time he just lets me cry on his shoulder or just listens.....gulp Tiffany my daughter is also a tremendous help, because even though she has a family and works everyday she somehow manages to help me. My brother lives so far away and has medical issues of his own and cannot come to help. The responsibility of taking care of my parents falls on me and my family.....♥
I know that the situation with my mom will eventually get worse and we will have to make the decision of putting her in a convalescent home. My greatest desire in life would be for my mother to receive the Lord in her heart because then I would know that she has gone home to be with him.....sigh.
As I write this I am reminded of how alone I feel at times with no other family members near by or anyone to talk to or call for help, so when I read ..... Heb.13:58 'For God has said, "I will never leave you; I will never abandon you.".........I feel secure in His arms.
I love you mom ♥
Posted by Mary at 1:20 PM
Monday, April 19, 2010
Its been quite a while that we have been to Mt Washington (Highland Pk), so we decided yesterday to go and visit my mom-in-luv who lives there. Its has also been some time since our last visit with her. She is elderly and frail but in good spirits. Her birthday is coming up and she will turn 87 years old this June. I call her Bennie and she is one of the kindest most sweetest persons any one could ever meet. She has been adopted and called grandma by many people in church. For the last 43 years I have never ever seen her angry or show any sign of anger toward anyone.
My sis-in-law & I decided to do some shopping and my hubb stayed home with Bennie while she took her daily afternoon nap. We went to the Glendale Galleria which I have not stepped foot in for at least 15 yrs since I moved away. We drove to La Crescenta where I used to live and work that many years ago too. Of course we had to make our pizza stop in Eagle Rock, which was home to a lot of my relatives who have now moved away too. We had so much fun laughing and talking while driving from one place to the other, by the time we got back to the house it was 9:30. We were cracking up and having a good ole time while we looked at some of the pictures that I have posted on my FB profile. Since my hub had to work on Monday he gave me the sign that it was time to leave. My word it was 11:30 and we still had an hour drive home!!!
I really miss living down in LA sometimes because there is so much to do and see. Even though it is lonely for me here in the IE I know that in reality I probably could never live there again because my kids live in the IE and I would miss my grandbabies too much. Maybe I'll just visit more often & go shopping or sight seeing, who knows......
Posted by Mary at 9:46 PM
Saturday, April 17, 2010
This is one of my favorite blankets to crochet, it is the ripple stitch quite easy and fast to make. This blanket can also be made into an afghan in any size.
The blue and white look very nice together and just by changing the colors it can be for either a boy or girl. While it is a little challenging when making blankets for boys because you can't add frills or ruffles, baby yarn can be used to give it a soft cuddly look.
This blanket is in a variegated brown & beige color with two borders of dark cocoa brown on each end. To give it a different look I added fringe on the ends to dress it up without giving it a girly look. Different designs form as this variegated pattern is crocheted and give it an interesting look. These colors work well for a boy, and by using soft yarn it can be a baby blanket.
One of my first projects was a crochet bedspread in these same variegated colors which I gave to my dad, and he still uses it today.
Posted by Mary at 3:25 AM
Sunday, April 4, 2010
After the service we were invited by very special friends to their house for Easter lunch/dinner. We ate appetizers before sitting down to a delicious meal of ham, asparagus (delish), potatoes, salad and a roast, all that and then a delicious coconut creme pie.
Just as we all finished eating but still sitting around the table with lots of laughter & talking, there was a moment of silence. An earthquake with the magnitude of 9.2 was happening. It felt as if it went on and on for about a full minute if not two. It slowed down after a minute and picked up again and just continued. We all waited to see what would happen when it suddenly stopped.
God decided to shake the earth and remind everyone that He is Alive.
Posted by Mary at 8:19 PM