Mom's 83rd Birthday

Thank you Jesus!
Today is my mothers birthday, she has been blessed with 83 years. She was born in Lone Wolf Oklahoma and one of nine siblings. Her family moved to Mexico until she was nine years old and then back to the United States after her mother died. She was raised on a farm and was the darling of the family & her fathers favorite....chuckle. She married my dad at a young age, moved to Texas had two children and lived there until 1958 when they came to California in search of better jobs. She started working and ended up at Fullview Corp working there for 35 yrs. They lived and raised my brother Daniel and  I in Cypress Park a suburb of Los Angeles. Later on in there golden years they retired and moved to Apple Valley for many years. When we realized both were not doing well physically and were living too far, my son-in-law built a studio apt for them. Now it is easier to take care of them and I feel better knowing they are close in case they get sick. 


I really wish the day was nice & sunny, but it still looks like it may rain. Yesterday it rained off and on till late into the night. The sun is playing peek-a-boo and it is overcast dreary & cold outside. Mom has an appointment at the hair dresser today & my dad has already taken her, as usual they left an hour early lol. Dad's theory is that they'll have a chance of being seen sooner. I called early in the morning to let her know that I was coming over to help her get ready and dressed but I know she forgot to tell dad. Now I can only hope that she managed to match her clothes....yikes


Mom has dementia and is not aware of her days or certain events in life anymore. She is getting more & more forgetful as each day passes. It is hard to make her understand she is in the wrong day or the wrong year. She is easily confused and gets frustrated because she cannot believe or won't accept that what we tell her is true. Most of the time she is very depressed and sad but according to the doctors this is caused by the dementia. She is also totally blind from one eye and sees very little from the other, sometimes I think she sporadically does see good from that eye.


Since my parents moved here six months ago it has been very hard and stressful to see my  mother in this condition. She is very frail and needs help with everything. She was always a very independent woman, and a sweet soft spoken person who never argued or had anything bad to say about anyone. She was easy going and usually never demanded anything unless it came to myself or my brother. This person who has taken over is completely and sadly not my mother. Everyday is new and traumatic, I never know what to expect. Sometimes its as if I'm dealing with a defiant child that needs to be scolded and punished. I have come to realize that the situation has changed and I am now in the role of being the parent.
I WANT MY MOTHER BACK!....sob


I ask God  to give me strength and endurance for each day. To give me patience when I get angry because I've answered her questions 50 times plus 50. To put compassion in my heart so I never get out of control with her temper tantrums. Some days are pretty calm and less chaotic than others, but these are becoming farther and farther apart. I thank the Lord for my wonderful husband who is always there for me. He helps do what I can't or am unable to do myself, most of the time he just lets me cry on his shoulder or just listens.....gulp  Tiffany my daughter is also a tremendous help, because even  though she has a family and works everyday she somehow manages to help me. My brother lives so far away and has medical issues of his own and cannot come to help.  The responsibility of taking care of my parents falls on me and my family.....♥


I know that the situation with my mom will eventually get worse and we will have to make the decision of putting her in a convalescent home.  My greatest desire in life would be for my mother to receive the Lord in her heart because then I would know that she has gone home to be with him.....sigh. 


As I write this I am reminded of  how alone I feel at times with no other family members near by or anyone to talk to or call for help, so when I read ..... Heb.13:58  'For God has said, "I will never leave you; I will never abandon you.".........I feel secure in His arms. 


I love you mom ♥