The Pomegranate Tree

  This has been such a busy month that I forgot to write on my blog again.  It wasn't until my daughter was decorating for the Halloween/Thanksgiving holidays that I realized that its almost November!  The days are going by so fast maybe its a blessing  because I don't really know how Im going to handle the holidays this year without my mom ~sigh~.

Today all the men in my life decided to work around the plantation before the next rain fall, even my son Paul came to wash his clothes and is now busy at work (he got trapped haha).  Its such a beautiful day its hard to believe that rain is on the way again. Fall is finally in the air and leaves on the trees are changing colors or falling off, and because we had rain last week everything is green and colorful.

My husband came in the house a while ago with a bag full of pomegranates, they are so big and beautiful.  He opened one and ate the whole thing while ahhing away lol.  I don't care for them after tasting one when I was a kid, I just think they are pretty and make for a great decoration for Thanksgiving.  I had him take them over to Tiffany's house so she can put them out for decoration.  While shopping at Ralphs mkt the other day I noticed they had some for sale at two for $6.00!  An idea suddenly came to me that maybe I should open up a stand outside saying   'POMEGRANATES for SALE'   and see how many people stop.   After all thats what people do when they sell lemonade from lemons off their trees....hmmm I could do that too since we have many lemon trees lol.  


When we moved here this tree was one among many that were in need of water and looked like it was dying.  M husband and son pulled out many dead trees and stumps but left this one after I cried and cried that we needed it.  We had a persimmon tree that unawares to me my husband pulled out and Tiffany and I were so upset.  Now its giving fruit that is so gorgeous hubby even likes it.

Yard Sale

 Has anyone ever had an impromptu yard sale?  We did today!!   My daddy decided to put a sign at the end of the street about 9:30am, never imagining the crowds that were going to swarm to his sale. 

As I innocently walked outside ready to go for my daily morning walk, I came to a dead stop when I saw 10 people coming up the drive way, and cars/trucks pulling up the curbs.  As I turned to look for my dad who was busily pulling stuff' out of boxes and throwing them on the ground as fast as he could and trying to put more items on A table...one table.  Oh my word I couldn't believe my eyes.   Then I went into shock and I almost had an attack when 5/6 people came out of dads studio apt after letting  them in to look at the refrigerator and couch he wants to sell.   I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw more people walking around our back yard coming toward the front gate!!   How can anyone just walk into someones back yard, and walk around as if they belong there, what a Nerve!   Of course no one bought either item or anything else. 

I am not against anyone trying to find a good deal at these sales because I do it myself, but when the price is at rock bottom already and they want you to lower the price...........GO HOME!     I don't understand why people are so rude.  

Thank God my aunt Mary came to help because it was hard to keep up with all the people that kept coming.  Finally at  2:OO pm I decided I'd had enough when all the people traffic slowed down and the gnats trying to go up my nose and my ears, not to mention all the rude people.  Daddy did not want to close so he stayed by himself while my aunt and I went to eat at Taco Joe's restaurant.

I guess Im just a glutton for misery because tomorrow I'll be staying home from church to help daddy with his  yard sale. 

"The Lord is pleased with those who worship Him and trust His love." Ps 147:11..............so I am trusting that God will smile down on us because Im leaving it all in His hands..

The will of God

Wow can't believe its been so long since I posted on this blog.  There is so much going on with all my grandchildren, and around the plantation that I need to start blogging again.

Today is four months since my mother passed, my heart is still shattered in a million pieces and I know it will never heal completely because a part of it is gone forever.   Even tho in my mind I  know God took her because He saw how much she was suffering, in my heart I still needed my mother here for ME!   I don't think its selfish to feel that way, no matter how old I am I'll always miss her. The numbness is going away but there are some days that everything I see or hear  reminds me of  her.  I will continue to be there for my dad because I can't even imagine how he feels now that he's alone after 63 years.  Jesus hold my hand as I travel this road until I see your face.


Fantastic news the plantation is minus what I called the Wicked Tree in the front yard.  One of the men from our church came with his machinery and pulled it out of the ground and presto it was gone.  This tree which came supposedly from Guatalamala was tall and huge with  big ugly fat thorns sticking out.  In the spring beautiful pink flowers would bloom from this tree.  Its roots were huge and protruding from the ground making it impossible for grass to grow so our front yard always looked terrible. I was so happy to see it gone and called everyone I knew that had a fireplace to come and get some fire wood.  LOL

~ My grandchildren are the bomb haha.~   Each one has their own personality and they are my grandkids  ~  Im so proud of them.   There is never a day without so much tweeny drama ♥

Barbie is beautiful and so grown up, she's going to start working to help pay for insurance on the car she will be getting soon.  Now that she can drive all she needs is her license.............wooohooo!  On top of all that she is running for Homecoming Queen at her school......my oh my where did the yrs go?  I still remember the  lil baby in a car seat on the back seat of her daddys car cruising the streets of  Fontana and  Rialto.  I better stop because Im tearing up.

Sweet lil Monica how I love you.  Still so beautiful and full of surprises, the child is so confused about life.  We all learn as we grow I just hope she makes the right choices.  Too bad we don't realize how great our parents really are when we are in our teen dilema's 'chuckle'

My two munchkins who are probably the ones responsible for keeping me young (hahaha) have grown so much I don't even recognize them sometimes.  Dino my prince is so beyond his years, but yet such a baby in so many ways.  He'll be in high school next year!!!  He is the youngest of my grandkids, and very talented in music, he can sing really well but just like boys he says he doesn't.  He is also smarter than he lets on BUT  he can also be a BRAT, then I have to beat him with kisses hahaha♥

My lil Daisy is Miss Fashionista, she looks like she walked out of a magazine with all the mod clothes she wears.  She can make an ugly dress look beautiful.  Such flair but yet around me she's still my lil girl who still loves to sit on my lap n cuddle (I have told her she'll be my lil Daisy even when she's a grandma) ....which makes me very happy and makes her laugh.  These two are well grounded, love the Lord, living for God and are involved in all church youth activities.

Michael who is my oldest grandson got all the cousins together after 3 years of not seeing each other and took them for a day of  fun fun fun.  I was very happy that he dropped in to see us too, because I've missed him very much.   His birthday on Oct 13 brought many memories of a blue eyed baby born 23 yrs ago and the realization that he's not a lil boy anymore, he's all grown up.   Wheww where do the years go?

Saying Goodbye Again

Grandma Cucu

 On July 9, 2010  Bernardita Casados my mother in law closed her eyes and went to be with Jesus.  This was a very sad and emotional day for me because it was so close to the death of my mother just two weeks before on June 14,2010.  I was numb and devastated,  it was unbelievable that our two mothers were both gone forever.

'Bennie' died at home surrounded by her 4 daughters and 1 son (my husband), and her many grandchildren/great grandchildren  ranging in ages 6 mos to mid 40's.  She fell at home and broke her hip, shoulder, & arm. Per her request she asked that she not be given anything to keep her alive if she recovered from the operation.

My mother in law was so brave during the last week of her life, she made us all feel good about her dying. We all stood around her bed singing hymns and listening to her tell funny stories and sayings making all of us laugh.  She praised God to the end until when she finally went into a coma.

One by one as each of us stood before her she gave us her blessing and added a message for each back slid member of her family. She told us that she was so excited to finally be able to see Jesus and all her relatives that have already gone before her.

Bennie was loved by everyone who met her because she was the type of person who was kind and loving never saying anything negative about anyone. She became your mom or your grandma, thats the effect she had on everybody.  

She loved God, her Pastor Elms and her family, we always knew that grandma was praying for us no matter what.

Bernardita Casados

She will be missed but will be remembered for the great prayer warrior she was and the great example that she left us by letting us see how she worshiped Jesus until the end and never once complained.

I love you 'Bennie' RIP

Saying Good Bye

 My precious mom took her final breath on Monday June 14, 2010 at 3:35 pm.  I am hurting deep inside I cannot explain the feeling.  Its like as if there is an empty space inside, I can't eat or sleep.  I believe she suffered alot toward the end even tho she was being kept as comfortable as possible. Mom never complained when she was sick or wouldn't go to doctors, she always said she was 'ok' because she didn't want us to worry about her.  I believe that even on her death bed she kept her pain from us for that same reason because I never heard her cry out. 

My brother, dad, myself and my son Paul & daughter Tiffany stayed at the nursing home day and night.  I never left her side for fear that she would slip away while I was gone.  I prayed and asked the Lord to take her and stop her suffering and also to have mercy on her soul.  The doctors and nurses said that the last to go is your hearing.  I know that she heard us when we spoke to her because she would move or jerk her body in response to our voices.  I told her to ask the Lord to come into her heart and to repent of her sins and ask Him to forgive her and take her into his kingdom.  My spanish is only for my family I don't speak very well, but that day I know the Holy Spirit allowed words to come out of my mouth that she understood.  

My parents are Catholics and I did not want to offend them by asking someone from my church to come pray over her.  Yet, I felt a need so great for prayer and asked the Lord to intervene the way He had done the whole week she had been in the nursing home.  My Lord never fails!!!  As I prayed and talked to my mother the door opened and a man walked in & introduced himself as a Pastor.  He said he had come to pray for my mom,  I thought my dad was going to say no because he wasn't a priest!  To my surprise dad allowed this man of God to pray over my mother and then sat quietly afterward as he spoke to all of us.  Within the next two hours three more Pastors all affiliated with the Hospice program walked into the room one by one at different times to pray for my mother.   The last one told my dad he was also a grief counselor and that he would come day or night to his house to pray or talk to him after my mother passed.  I was rejoicing within because of the way the Lord answered my prayers. I asked for a Pastor and he sent three!!

At the end there was a change in her movements and somehow we knew this was it. I asked that she say goodbye.   She opened her eyes and looked right at me then towards my brother, dad, and Tiffany.  Her eyes took in the entire room and then she slowly closed her eyes and took her last breath.

I miss my mother so much it hurts thinking she isn't next door or outside, but I am so grateful that the Lord took her when he did.  Dementia had escalated so rapidly that eventually she wouldn't even recognize any of us. Now I know she's not blind anymore and she can see, and her mind is clear.............until we meet again I love you mom..

RIP ♥

The Final Stage

            

 
Our tree of life began with many twigs that eventually became branches, these branches extended out in different directions and filled with leaves in different colors.  The fullness of our tree depends on how large our family is or becomes. Green leaves are beautiful and signify the beginning of our life and as they turn color it means that  we are about to lose one of our branches.   Which means that we are going thru different experiences in our lives.

My mothers tree was never very big and is now very bare with yellow leaves and a few green ones here and there.  She comes from a very large family of nine siblings, yet she herself had only two children.  I always wondered about this and decided to ask what happened or if there had been a problem.  To my surprise she and my dad decided that since they had a boy and a girl they didn't need anymore children.  (Never mind that all my life I was very lonely and always wished that I had a sister or another brother.) Now that Im older and going thru this experience of having to deal with the disease and the possibility of her passing I wish I had someone to turn to when I need to vent or cry, but there is no one. 

Mom is now in a nursing home that is locked down because they have several patients in the same condition as her and some like to wander.  I am having guilt feelings for placing her in this facility and because Im not able to keep her home and take care of her.  Even tho I know she is where she can receive the care that I can't give her.  Just knowing that she is in the final phases of this disease and that she may pass any day is is really taking its toll on me and my dad.  I have noticed he is not doing so well and know that I'll be repeating these steps with him someday.  Hopefully it won't be for a long time because I don't think I could go thru it right away. I have already said goodbye to the mom I knew and Im trusting in the Lord to help me and give me strength to help this new woman til her time to pass comes.  

I am so thankful that I know the Lord and that he is in my heart, and to know I can turn to him in my troubled moments.  My parents don't.  It hurts my heart to not know how God will deal with them or anyone else that does not know Him.

Pray for me..........

One Mind & One Accord

How does the mind work? The mind is very complex and a very interesting choice of study. We know that the left side of your brain controls the right side and vice versa. It is known that we retain the most information that we will learn in our entire life around the age of two thru five. The mind can retain photographic memories and put them in a file somewhere deep in the brain, so that as we grow older we may choose to remember or not.  Yes the brain can also hide many things that have occurred in our lives and that we choose not to remember.

While growing up our memory retains most of the good and happy times in our lives, such as parties, friends, places, and good friends. We remember the bad memories but don't talk about them by choice.  As adults we remember and cherish our memories of child birth, our childrens accomplishments, and even the sad and unhappy events. Sometimes our minds choose to forget sad hurtful events, but this is by choice. When the mind starts to skip and wander forcing us to think of some memory and we can't is when the problems start.

Doctors used to say that when you reached your golden years or become a senior citizen we tend to become forgetful and lose our concentration so we are senile. This has changed and now it is called Dementia.

Dementia is a disease that eats up the brain cells and you lose all or most of your short term memory depending at what stage of the disease your in. Yet the long term memory is there and many things from the past can be remembered vividly.  As your brain cells deteriorate your moods also change and a person can even become violent. At this point it is wise to put the person in a special home where they can be taken care of by professionals.  My mothers doctor explained that the only way to get some kind of idea as to how this disease works the mind is to picture a window screen and look at all the tiny little holes it has.  She went on to say that as the screen gets older the holes open up or tear and get bigger and bigger.  The outcome is that we finally need to get a new screen because there is nothing there to protect us from whatever.  Unfortunately  that is what happens to the brain cells, they start to shrink until the brain itself  is so small there is no memory left.  We cannot buy a new mind or get a brain transplant so eventually when all memory is gone it is then called Alzheimers and the person we knew is no longer there.  

My mother has this disease called Dementia and it has been very sad and painful watching the many changes she has gone thru.  She hardly has any short term memory,  yet because of  the long term memory she is able to tell me things from her past that happened in detail.  I have had many interesting conversations with her about the past and all that transpired.  She tells me stories about people that I have never met or knew.  In these conversations with her I have realized what a pampered child and young adult she was before she married.  The suffering she endured after she got married and to what extremes she went thru to keep her secrets buried inside her head.  Now because of the Dementia she speaks out and doesn't care who knows or hears what she is saying.

As I sit here writing this crying for the mom I knew who is gone mentally, she is in the hospital after a big set back.  The doctors are trying to help us find a home that will accept her and to speed up the Med-ical qualification.  They are aware of the danger she is to herself now and for us to not be able to watch her 24 hrs a day.   I pray that God take her and end her misery, this may be wrong to ask for, but she is suffering so much.  She has pnemunia and an infection, is having hallucinations and all the negative side of this disease is coming out.  My only regret is that my mother never knew the Lord as her personal savior as I do.  She was a good woman all her life and I know the Lord is merciful......Thy Will Be Done..........